I just came up with an interesting concept to describe at least part of what it is to be an androgyne: The List of Nevers.
I'll never be truly, completely comfortable in any group.
I'll never fit in to anyone's expectations.
I'll never be recognized or dealt with as what I truly am. I'll always pass for female since that's what the body is, even though mentally I'm not.
I'll never have stability in my life.
I'll never achieve the goals I've been taught to value and on which society judges a person's worth.
I'll never be a part of anything.
1 comment:
Who I am, I have no real problem with. It's when what I am crashes into the expectations of my family and society at large that I feel guilty, inadequate, and a failure. Having come from a Southern family, I was raised to believe a husband and kids were the be-all and end-all and the pinnacle of success. Having grown up as an only child in a single-parent household, I was also raised to believe a full-time career AND the husband and kids were the only want I could gain my mother's respect and approval. Unfortunately, my life has not turned out that way, and it looks like it won't for any foreseeable future. I'm currently on my 4th try at college, and I've been celibate for 8 1/2 years and now I'm bisexual and androgynous. I've found I have no real wish -- of my own will -- to have kids, a husband, a big house, etc. I do want a family, of sorts. I just always see it as a collection of equals, a "found" family along the lines of "friends are the family you get to choose."
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