Whilst sucking down another 24 oz. of that most wondrous bubbly confection of sugarless joy, a.k.a. Diet Coke, I lamented that even if I were 100 lbs soaking wet, a tri-athelete, and a double doctorate in astrophysics and astronomy, I still could not go into space because of my happy addiction to this pixelish liquid. Alas. Recalling a vague reference I had once heard regarding the exact reasons why one could not take Diet Coke and its lesser predecessors into orbit, I set about to clarify my knowledge. Herewith is the result of that search, provided by NASA itself. It may be possible that someday in the far future when I am decrepit, I will not after all have to banish all joy and vice from my wretched life when I finally reach the lofty heights of orbit.