I ask myself lately what I truly value in life, and what do I really want to do with the rest of it. What am I drawn to, what do I love, what matters to me. Yes, I am about to turn 40.

I work in a decaying history, at a job that is detailed and intricate and requires me to interact with a lot of people every moment. It requires a lot of physical activity. It is not a job that is suited for my temperament. While it may have a future now, I don't know if that's the future I want. I'm pretty certain it's not a future I want. It just seems treadmill-like. Every day come in, sell stamps, scan packages, issue money orders, deal with worried, harried, impatient, annoyed people. I like the people I work with, they're good people. But the job itself -- what do I have to look forward to? Thirty more years of this? Of the same thing over and over again for years on end? What does it accomplish? It's just running to stand still.

So I need to sit down and really think about what meaningful work means to me. And how do I get myself into something that means something to me, that allows me to live in all senses of the word.

I want to work for that future worth living for I'm always talking about. I want to see more of the world than the American South. I want to make things people want to read or watch or listen to. Even if I don't live to see it, I want to know what the future will be like. I want to see it with my own eyes.

How close are we to that world of 2230, Xyl and Jodo's world?

My own dreams are the only guide I have.