Well, I truly get back into the swing of things tomorrow.

My reclusive nature -- or more precisely the ease with which I deal with being alone so much -- sometimes bothers me. I didn't leave the house at all today. Stayed here. Got a pizza delivered. Read my Psychology stuff. Played my new video game a lot. Played with the cats. Watched Buckaroo Banzai. And was content with it. When I don't have to deal with people I'm a lot more at peace with myself. I don't know if this is what they're now calling "social anxiety" or just my people claustrophobia being worse than I thought. I seem to relax when I'm not having to deal with people. Not having to live up to anyone's expectations or the possibility of disapproval. It sounds very spoiled-brat-like to me, but there we have it. It's like a drug addict who's kicked the stuff and moves to another town to avoid all reminders so they won't be tempted again. If I'm not around people I'm not doing the knee-jerk seeking of approval or worrying that I'm making a fool of myself or saying the wrong thing. People say I shouldn't be this way, that I should just be myself and screw looking for approval but they conveniently don't bother to tell me how. I wonder sometimes if I write simply to get people to pay attention to me, but if that was true I'd have quit a long time ago. I still get ideas and I still spend weeks and months at the computer for nothing.

I spent ten months writing Aquaria and no one has ever read it.


I was thinking the other day that maybe I could write a script from "Shepherds". I've often thought to try script writing but hadn't anything suitable for a test case. "Shepherds" is just such.


Well I guess I'm off to make a slightly early night of it. Typing class in the morning, and work tomorrow night.