I ask myself lately what I truly value in life, and what do I really want to do with the rest of it. What am I drawn to, what do I love, what matters to me. Yes, I am about to turn 40.

I work in a decaying history, at a job that is detailed and intricate and requires me to interact with a lot of people every moment. It requires a lot of physical activity. It is not a job that is suited for my temperament. While it may have a future now, I don't know if that's the future I want. I'm pretty certain it's not a future I want. It just seems treadmill-like. Every day come in, sell stamps, scan packages, issue money orders, deal with worried, harried, impatient, annoyed people. I like the people I work with, they're good people. But the job itself -- what do I have to look forward to? Thirty more years of this? Of the same thing over and over again for years on end? What does it accomplish? It's just running to stand still.

So I need to sit down and really think about what meaningful work means to me. And how do I get myself into something that means something to me, that allows me to live in all senses of the word.

I want to work for that future worth living for I'm always talking about. I want to see more of the world than the American South. I want to make things people want to read or watch or listen to. Even if I don't live to see it, I want to know what the future will be like. I want to see it with my own eyes.

How close are we to that world of 2230, Xyl and Jodo's world?

My own dreams are the only guide I have.

I got my copyright certificate back for Aquaria.


If you're hankering for more Google Video, go Search "The Hero's Journey". It's a 1-hour bio of Joseph Campbell. A younger and considerably skinnier George Lucas makes an appearance. His hair was still black. Seriously.

My leave time for ChattaCon has been approved, so now I've got to order some more books.

And I got a purchase order from BCH for 20 copies of Aquaria in the mail today.

Next up on the social calendar: my cousin's wedding on the 1st. Apparently he's marrying a Catholic girl so we all get to sit through Mass of which the wedding will be only a minor part. I've never been inside a Catholic church much less ever been to Mass despite my long-standing and occassional bouts of fury related to their policies and history ("Wiccan" being one of the religious affiliations I can legitimately claim). I would like to one day ask them why they worship a tortured man. I realize that's their whole schtick, but seriously... sadistic much? You people worship a tortured man. Your priests prey on children. You used to burn people at the stake for little or no reason except that you hated women. And the occassional scientist. And once in a while the odd bit of torture and forced conversion of Jewish people. And the Crusades.

So no, I'm not too sanguine about all this, but it's Dave's show.


I'll let you know if I burst into flames when I walk in the church.